You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
