he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
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