Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize