there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
this boner is exhausting
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She even gives head with a lisp.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize