he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
