That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Randomize
