he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
