remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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