nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
