There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
