Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
