White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
