I feel great
I just peed on a car
People with herpes should wear stickers.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Someone came in the potted fern
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Maybe he injected his testicle?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
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