Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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