Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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