i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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