why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
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