How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize