So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
