Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
The uberlube is also flammable
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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