well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
