just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
well most of my day revolves around power hour
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
