how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
you would pick up someone in the library
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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