We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
