Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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