You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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