oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
