This girl is more easily done than said...
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
