At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
How does it feel to date your dad?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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