If i could tip my vagina, i would.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
