I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
