your parents love me but you hate me
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
