I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
