and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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