Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
