I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
as a side note pls kill me
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
