ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize