I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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