So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
