his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
