i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
