We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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