If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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