Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
