That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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