Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
