well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
