Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
