He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
