About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
