see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Randomize
