my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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