If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
