Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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