i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
where are you?
Hypothermia
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
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