we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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