It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
