Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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