Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
