you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
