I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
