At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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