Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
