This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
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