he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
being pregnant is like rehab
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Randomize
