so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
