and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
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