I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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