New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
