i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
