ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I seem to have left my pride at pride
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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