you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
