i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
she pinky promised me she was 18
He's a Shit stain on my heart
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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