i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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