He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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