she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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