I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
